Consider stepping away and saying, “I need a moment after what you just said. " Avoid engaging in further conversation until you’ve stepped away and had some space. Take 5 deep breaths. Visualize something positive in your life, rather than focusing on what your husband just said.
If it seems like your husband is trying to belittle you, and there is a pattern of this behavior, consider saying, “I recognize that you’re trying to make me feel bad about myself. I won’t let you hurt me. I am stronger than that. " If your husband is generally understanding, but said that you’re fat in a heated moment, consider saying, “What you just said makes me feel small and ugly. Can we focus on how to make things better without hurting each other?”
If your husband is resistant to talking about what’s bothering him, or listening to what’s bothering you, you may need to evaluate whether you both are able to talk about each other’s feelings effectively. Consider whether you and your husband are able to talk about difficult subjects without feeling emotionally drained, exhausted, and disrespected. Try to focus the conversation on finding compromise instead of attacking each other.
While getting words of reassurance from your husband can help to boost your self-esteem, don’t rely solely on him to determine how you feel about yourself or your appearance. Practice building up your self-esteem and self-worth. Consider saying these words of self-affirmation: “My self-worth is not determined by the number on the scale,” or “I am more than my appearance. “[4] X Research source
Determine what goals feel right for you about your health and body image. Determine what makes you feel special and appreciated. Advocate for yourself and your needs. Find ways to feel good about who you are beyond what your husband says. Think about what activities make you truly happy. If your husband’s comment didn’t strike a nerve, deal with the name calling rather than focusing on the bit about your appearance.
Reflect on the positive things about you and your body. Write in a journal about what you like about yourself. Choose at least 3 things to write about. Do activities that are independent of your spouse or family. Have a night out with your friends. Go out and explore a new place. Cross something off your bucket list. Focus on activities that restore a sense of peace and love for your body. Consider gentle yoga or meditation. Get a massage. Do things that make you feel beautiful and refreshed.
If your husband knows that your weight is a sensitive subject, he is lashing out on purpose to hurt you. Consider keeping a record of how often your husband insults you or makes you feel bad. Is it multiple times a day? Or is it once in a few months? If you are being mistreated regularly, this may not be a healthy relationship. If you feel like you’ve been hurt over and over by your husband’s rude and demeaning words, you may be suffering from abuse. No one should make you feel less than, particularly your husband.
Do you trust your husband? Do you feel safe to talk with him about what you’re feeling? Do you feel appreciated for what you do and who you are?
Think back on your relationship and assess if your husband has been doing the following: dominating, humiliating, isolating, threatening, intimidating, or blaming you. Assess if you feel safe and secure in your home. Do you feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” around him? Don’t feel alone. Have strength to see what you deserve in a relationship.
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www. thehotline. org/ or 1-800-799-7233 Learn about what services and support are available in your community to help you.
Make counseling a priority. See it as an opportunity to improve the health of your relationship and feel more confident in yourself. If your husband rejects marriage or couples counseling, consider going to counseling just for you. Counselors can help you cope better with challenging relationships.
Avoid isolating yourself when your husband, or anyone else, puts you down or makes you feel bad. Instead, reach out to your loving and supportive friends or family. Gain strength and wisdom from others who have overcome body image issues or difficult relationships.
